We went back to Bangkok for a few days after leaving Koh Chang but were still working a lot so we didn't get around to doing much. On New Years Eve there was a big group of people planning to go out to a Ping Pong show and then a New Years party. I felt that as terrible as the Ping Pong show might be, it would make a good story so I had to go. Life is about building up a collection of good stories right? So a group of 18 of us went to a Ping Pong show. Power in numbers. The guy at the door told us it was just 100 baht (about $3) for a drink and invited us all in. The group of us sat down in a long row on the opposite side of the room. I sat next to a big burly muscleman type guy I hadn't met yet (and whose name I forget) and we mused about how 1/3 of the girls on stage looked like ladyboys.
The first act we saw was the darts portion of the show. The lovely lady - let's call her Ginger - inserted a blow dart shooter into her hooha and shot the darts at balloons hanging from the ceiling around the stage. Ginger kept her rosebud covered up with a towel when not actively firing a dart from her vajayjay because she was a classy lady. She quickly shot down 20 balloons with incredible precision accuracy, wiped her treasure box clean, and then stood up while everyone clapped in amazement. The second nice lady - let's call her Brandy - came onto the stage with a bucket of ping pongs and we knew it was time for the Main Event.
Another sweet dame came out from behind a curtain carrying ping pong paddles and handed them out to the crowd. The large gentleman next to me loudly requested a paddle for himself since he had been practicing his "moves." Brandy picked one of the paddle wielding audience members across the room and started firing. The polite little Japanese man did his best to land a paddle on her powerful well aimed shots. Again, she kept her Lawrence of A Labia covered with a towel while not actively launching. One of the girls in our group got hit in the head with one of these poisoned bullets and screamed. Then she turned her attention to my friend Hercules and began her attack. This guy managed to return every ball with great strength, even hitting her a few times. One time he hit her right in the face with a meteor of a strike and the audience gasped at her pain. But she laughed heartily (I'm assuming this has happened to her many times) and the audience laughed with her. Soon she ran out of ammo, brushed off her Cave of Wonders, and scampered off stage.
After Brandy stepped off, a younger looking girl quickly brought a cake onto the stage and ran off just as quickly. For five minutes the cake sat there. Goliath and I wondered what was happening and played a game of Telephone with the rest of our group to find out if anyone had any ideas. Before an answer got back to me, Ginger came back on stage with a lighter. She slowly lit each of the twenty or so candles and we started to guess what was about to happen. As we expected, she crouched over the cake and using her impressive lady flower blew out each candle one by one. As soon as the fire had been snuffed out she swabbed her Sarlacc Pit and marched off stage while someone removed the cake.
Brandy returned to the stage with a whistle in her hand and I got a little scared. I did not like what was about to happen. Sure enough, she walked around the stage in a circle, stopping periodically to show her fanny pack to the audience and used her hush puppy to blow the whistle at us. As this "act" ended all of the working girls in the room crowded around us as the large manly looking lead woman - let's call her Betha - told us we owed them money. It was 300 baht for the first drink and 1000 baht for the show. "But we were told 100 baht" we exclaimed. She had never heard of such a thing and demanded the 1300 baht. Our group conferred and decided to bail. A brawl ensued.
When the first guy tried to leave, Bertha pushed him back into his said and yelled "YOU PAY!" He got back up and again tried to leave only to be pushed back down again. "YOU PAY!!" He got up and pushed her back as the rest of the girls surrounded us. My man Lothar the Oxen Bludgeoner took on three of the ladyboys as I cowardly snuck past him toward the door as I watched one girl in our group get punched in the stomach and another take a pretty nasty scratch across her arm. As I got to the door, the ladyboy bouncer loudly queried for whether I had paid. I calmly said "yes" and walked out the door and down the stairs. I was the third one out and after four more came out we got nervous about just standing in front of this dangerous place so we walked down the alley towards the direction of our hostel and stopped to wait for everyone. Once we made sure we had all 18 of us, we compared stories and laughed at the insanity of the whole situation. Most of the group went out to dinner while I went back to shower the dirtiness off of my skin before we'd all meet up to go to the New Years party.
Pictures: Do you really want pictures of this!?
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